this is the story of a girl

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 05:12:28 GMT

quick entry:

where can i find the toe socks for the husky man?

pitlets

Mona Lisa? that was like 20 minutes ago...

3 stones. different colors. present from vegas, bitches.

its just so much easier to hate them..

i <3 First Wives Club

judo chop!

95+ movies, 3 seasons of x files, 1 of alias, 1 of lois and clark, and nothing to watch.

49+ books, umteen magazines and nothing to read.

when you're with somebody for so long, and you're so close to them, you can't imagine yourself with anyone else.

Jose Chungs 'from outer space'.

could this be another new beginning? i guess it depends on what it is and what it symbolizes....

you're the reyes to my scully, dear.

i can't wait to wear a bathing-suit....and flip flops.

it's amazing how one small gesture can change your outlook on everything

i read about it, see it, and hear about it. i know, it's fictional, but i want that. i crave it.

I'm so obsessive and addictive. maybe that's my tragic flaw...

look back on three months ago...so much has changed. i've changed. inside and out.

only 4 of her?!? i'm slacking. BIG time.

is the reason i can't choose because i'm ignoring what's really in my heart? in reality, i'm scared. terrified really.

i am so going next year. no matter what, i'm there.

drunk momma horten cracks my shit up. confused me a little though...

i think now is a good time to stop lying to myself and those who care about me. it's only prolonging the inevitable.

i wish it had been easier, instead of any longer....

see, i told you it would be quick...

thought this was hilarious...

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 23:50:26 GMT

If LJ Were a High School by Karen_Walker
Username
Your Status
Lunch Lady	the_sea_of_love
Head Cheerleader	__moo_icons
Quarterback	mindy10b
Prom Queen	callmeophelia
Gang Member	rhiannon383
Band Geek	glitteringgypsy
Theatre Geek	all_that_ivegot
Chess Club Captain	desert_angel_1
Loner Goth Kid	fuddy_dark
Class Clown	nicksillume

Quiz created with MemeGen!

on and on and on and on again...

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 18:22:57 GMT

i like these entries...i'm going to keep doing them.

four hours is four hours too long.

i know it's only 5 days, but i'm dying inside.

academy awards party sunday night.

nomination for best actress for bleak house. cross fingers.

when you hurt, i hurt. i wish there was something more i could do besides just listen.

its been to long.

frozen empty streets. slick pavement.

why do i always come to you for those kind of decisions? why can't i just make up my mind on my own?

london. sounds like a 'go' to me.

hurry and pay me back so i can get that damn ipod.

'i just want to...rub it off....' holds hand up to forehead.

you're evil.  i am? yep.

just give it time.

it's all i can think about these days. i just want to pick up and go already.

busy streets. backwards. long hair. jeans and a jacket. large bag. slight breeze. clean air. accents. create a new you. no one has to know. so appealing, but what's wrong with the real you?

hypocritical. i know. but don't ask me to choose, cause you'll end up getting lost.

so many things...places. so little time, money.

well, in my world....

second season. next on list. really want? the sixth. the ninth. the fifth.

in dire need of blank vhs tapes.

shopping sprees. long movie nights. warm breezes. inside jokes. xfiles marathon. dolly parton. 9-5.

just gotta get my ticket. soooooo ready. can't wait.

i miss you already. call me so i can hear your voice.

tell me you love me. tell me i'm pretty.

pretty dresses. high shoes. curled hair. plush couches. snap. snap. snap.

fire escapes. grafiti'd walls. black and white. snap.

he kisses her. the baby. his fangs. reply you whore.

love me with your whole heart, or leave me. i can't stay in the middle. i was never a 'middle' kind of girl. i want it all.

do i stay or do i go? should i wait? how long would i have to wait? would it be worth it? so many questions...decisions...how do i know what's right?

<3

hell yes

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 18:32:21 GMT

mom came home from taking jillian to the docs (she's sick) and had 'walk the line' in her hand. fuck yeah, she bought it. so i'm going to go watch it.

i <3 my mom. and johnny cash. and june carter cash.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:45:43 GMT

stolen from crystal_lily

Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same.
Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

1. hearing an old song that you haven't heard in a LONG time

2. having a stranger with a brittish accent tell you that you are the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

3. waking up and having an awesome hair day (including eyebrows)

4. the morning cigarette

5. dark chocolate....god yes.

6. a compliment directly from my boss...hard to come by sometimes.

7. a good vampire book. or a book by edith wharton.

8. a good msr icon. *melts*

9. finding my tv remote after looking for it for months.

10. cheese.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:27:27 GMT

idea stolen from callmeophelia

days off finally.

sleeping in late. no ambition.

bloody ear, bloody cheek.....shit....

msr, angst, scully pov....heartbroken.

incubus dreams

house of mirth. lily bart. seldon. poison.

i know you like me, it's obvious. but you also know i have a boyfriend. stop trying to talk me into breaking up with him for you.

highway to hell. final destination 2 and 3. fuck yeah.

july. ga. matching tattoos. barbies. romeo and juliet.

michael. steel magnolias. rct. shelby.

homewrecker, i know what you're doin'.

i needed the closure. i hope you understand. 2 hour apology.

x files marathon. season 3, $40.

script studying. rehersals. character analyzing. so fucking excited. auditions. praying for the part. can't wait.

you're such a brat. i know.

how does it feel to be different from me?

hello beautiful. *blushes*

london.  new york. cali.

fix you.

sure. fine. whatever.

i'd better be your best man. i know i have to out drink rick. and that's fine, i'll do it. but i'm gonna be the BM if i have to...tux and all.

you all are either married, or getting ready to get married. where does that leave me? dating for the next ten years.

a quote from a book to leave you all with:

There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt eachother. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.

good day today!!!

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 03:26:51 GMT

ok so here's a few random things...

1. when i got out of my car tonight, i looked at the clock and it said 10:13. crazy. i've been on an xfiles frenzy lately, so it kinda rocked my world. i'm wierd, what can i say?

2. i bought season 3 today. the first (and only) episode i watched was 2shy cause i haven't seen that one yet. it was...interesting.

3. since i have season 3 on dvd now, i was wondering if anyone would want to purchase the tapes i have from season 3. if not, that's cool. but if anyone's interested, just let me know...i don't have a use for them anymore, and my vcr is broken. if you are interested, you can email me at:

tusk_angel79@hotmail.com

*if this is inappropriate (getting rid of the tapes), feel free to delete the post. or tell me and i'll delete it. thank you :)

Love~ Patty

ick

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:40:17 GMT

i'm starting to think i've got some fucked up version of the stomach flu. it's gross. lol, maybe this is why i am losing weight. who knows...sure makes me want to curl up into a ball in bed and not leave for the next few days. funny thing though, i have to work saturday and sunday. bummer.

got my check today though. which means, pay mom, lend scott money, buy mom birthday gifts, take mom out to dinner, buy that damn x files i've been wanting for like ever, buy those sheets i want...and still have money to live off of. hell fuckin yeah.

nothing really new over here, other then those two things. i'm off to see scott tonight...let's hope i can get over the 'ur parents are home' thing tonight.

<3

few things...

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 03:23:40 GMT

ok so i watched final destination 2 tonight cause it was on tv, and i love all three movies, so of course, i had to watch it again. 1. one of the victims (his name is Tim) totally reminded me of david duchovny. i mean, he had his facial structure, the nice bottom lip...etc. if his hair was dark brown, he could have passed for davids kid i swear, or mulders for that matter. 2. i know the writers/directors are james wong and darin morgan (sorry if i got the names wrong) and it's so obvious. seriously, the lines that some of the people said...like Tim...he's at the dentist and he turns to his mom and says 'if they give me the laughing gas and i wake up and my pants are undone, we ain't payin'.' and then the look on his face...i swear it was like a mini mulder. 3. i just saw a preview for 'the unit' with robert patrick. he looks good. anyone know what the tv show is supposed to be about? just wondering...though it doesn't really matter, i guess i'd watch it either way just cause he's in it and he's scrumptious. 4. i'm going to buy season 3 this weekend and i'm totally psyched. anyone have any good eps from season 3 they'd recommend? thanks guys for listening to me ramble~ Patty

more pics

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:16:29 GMT

i got some more pics from the other photographer this morning. so here they are...i was going to put them under a cut cause there's more then three this time, but i can't figure out how to work it....so you're stuck with a really big post. oh yeah, and i'm going to include one other one i got from mark alan.

i swear i had a sleeveless shirt on....i'm not topless....no need to pull a jennifer aniston over here thank you.

this is that one in the red dress that i really like, though the look on my face is kinda silly...i look like i got caught doing something bad....

and i like this one...

ok i hope this works.....have a good day, i'll post a real post later i guess....

whoo hoooo

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 06:12:14 GMT

ok here's three pics that i just got emailed to me from the shoot...

the last one is my fave...don't ask me why, cause i don't really have a good answer. i guess i just really liked that dress...and my skin looks exceptionally shiny or something.

i know, i'm a fruit.

have a good night y'all...

small amounts of vomit in mouth

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 22:53:19 GMT

i just saw a pic of gillian's new husband...and i'm sorry to say that i am really disappointed...she's so young...well she looks a shit load younger then he does. god she can do better.

he must be fucking awesome in bed. or really know how to carry a conversation...i'm sure it's the first one...

planes, trains, and automobiles

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 22:19:03 GMT

wasn't that a movie? who knows...

anywhoo...so i was thinking about yesterday, and boy was it a busy day. and i'm paying for it today. i'm tired, sore, achy, and probably getting sick cause i feel like shit. so what do i do? call work and say 'no i'm not working today' and sit around, eating munchos and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. finished it off about 10 minutes ago. and my phone is dying, but im too lazy to go get my charger. bummer.

so yesterday...here is what happened...

got up at 8am...talked to mom then hopped in the shower, threw on some clothes, blow dryed hair, did other necessities, threw the clothes, shoes, and accessories in the mini and off i went to ann arbor. i was on the road by 9am. not too bad. had to stop and get gas (and a french vanilla) but i still made awesome time. got there 45 minutes early. brian met me at the door, helped me carry the shit in (i swear, i looked like i was moving in) and we got started with the shoot. brian and mark both shot at the same time...and then they'd be like 'alright, next outfit'...'look at me'...'eyes over here for a sec'...'perfect'...'good now do this'...it was quite tiring, but shit loads of fun. i got to see a few of the pics already and they're fucking awesome. i'll get some of them emailed to me within the next few days....hopefully tonight or tomorrow, cause i want to see them like now. we already set up another shoot. they want to take me to ann arbor (in the city) the industrial part, and do a black and white shoot on fire escapes, in alleys, by grafiti...etc. fucking awesome...can't wait. i'll have to post some of the pics when i get them. i looked hot.

then after the shoot, left and stopped at scotts house to pick him up but he wasn't ready yet...so i passed out on his couch for an hour and then we hung out when i woke up. we left his house, drove to mine, i had ice cream, changed my clothes, and we hopped over to RCT to see tami's new play (which was ok...). tami was awesome...ken kelley was fricken awesome...but the rest of the people sucked. accents faded in and out...the lead lady was monotone...and some people screwed up their lines...loads of stuttering. but ken and tami made up for it with their awesome performances.

then we (me scott and tami) headed to knapps and had a few drinks. there was a live band there (which was waaaaaay too loud, and way to sucky). but they did sing 'boys of summer' by don henley. i wasn't impressed with their version...but it's a good song. so we jammed. they also sang 'black velvet' and 'when i think about you i touch myself'. lots of sex talk and marriage talk. i got a half a pack of cigs out of it too. not a bad night. made me miss tami a helluva lot though. we promised to go out dancing more. good.

me and scott got back to my place around 1am. cuddled and watched friends till 2am...then hit the couches and were out. woke up today to kisses on my face. awwww. such a sweet boyfriend. then he made me breakfast...well i helped, so i guess we made it together. everything is so good right now. i'm just so happy with my life at the moment. i hope it stays this happy for a while. cause this is good.

ok kids, i'm off to do something...prob lay down cause i think i have a bit of a fever...it's like 85 in here and i'm freezing...with a hoodie on and socks and pants...yep, probably a fever.

real quick...

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 18:28:16 GMT

so how excited am i for when the weather gets warmer? trips to the beach at stoney, cute bathingsuits, driving around aimlessly all day with the windows rolled down jamming to stevie, morning trips to the tanning salon...

*sigh* can't wait.

i'm fucking stupid, i know.

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 18:04:30 GMT

so what do i do when i have ONE day off? oh, that's right. i go on and pick up extra hours so i never get a day off. that's what i do. no seriously, they need me like bad. see, yesterday penny had a 'talk' with us. turns out that we are getting waaaaay too many people in the er/ec and we have like no open beds to admit them...so they're sleeping on cots, chairs, couches, etc. downstairs until a bed opens up. so, the answer to the problem? open a new unit. we're opening a unit on 4 south for a few days that will have anywhere from 10 to 20 beds and they needed people to pick up extra hours and work it. i am working today from 3 to 11:30 pm...only to race home and go to bed so i can get up at fucking 5 the next morning and work another 12 hour shift. dammit. i should have just enjoyed my day off, and not felt bad for those people downstairs. but, that'll put 52 hours on my check...for one week...that'll be awesome over time. maybe then, just maybe i can run out and spend $30 on season 1,2, or 3. gotta love those new boxed sets.

last night, i forgot to clock out that's how bad i wanted to leave. i was all set on 007-ing it and racing downstairs before penny had a chance to see me leave 10 minutes early, but just as i get to the elevator, who comes trottin up in her red jacket? penny. so we rode down together and skipped the trolly, and just walked across the street. even though, we could have gotten a jay-walking ticket for $110 if i didn't push the button. turns out, i'm totally good at small talk. we talked about school, me taking her job someday, plays, etc. it was....nice...awkward, but nice.

so being that it's one oclock here, and i have to leave in an hour, i should go shower and get ready to go to work for 8 hours of hopefully not hell. i pray that it'll be an easy 8 hours.

if i don't call you when i get out of work, i'm not mad...i'm just tired as fuck and need SOME sleep before i head off to work tomorrow. just a little heads up to those who want to talk to me.

<3 peace and love y'all.

Happy belated birthday SOTM

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 19:17:10 GMT

When I woke up today around...noon...through my headache, memories of last night came rushing back at me. The laughs, the games, the booze....it was a good ass night last night, let me tell you. I had a fucking blast. Let's recap...

Got home from work a little after 8, and was ready and out the door with mike at like quarter to 9. him in the hoodie and 'dont interupt me when i'm talking to myself' tshirt and socks and sandals, me in two wife beaters, my tan jacket, tight jeans and awesome ass boots...we looked good and ready to party. so we drive to laurens aunts house, talking the whole way there. just about nothing and everything. the usual right? right. so then we get there, and lauren's in the middle of one of her bf's...and i head upstairs with her while she's getting ready to raid through her make up bag and hairspray. half an hour to an hour later we're almost ready and michael heads upstairs to...i guess he was kind of tired of buddy getting in his business billy crystal in americas sweethearts style. whatever lol. so 'whenever i call you friend' was on and we were all jamming to that, and free fallin'. we're finally ready and head downstairs to get directions and times and rates for the bucci...bocci...bocce...whatever, ball game that we decided to go and play. we call them...duba duba duba dot...lmao. then we check on the internet (their food was so overly priced) and make plans to head there around 12. we go downstairs to play pool...which mike and i totally sucked at. but when lauren started playing with us (she was trying to fix the bass on the comp. cause it was totally drowning don out) things started to move along. we won only cause lauren accidentally knocked the 8 ball in, giving us our win. we leave around 10:30 to go to meet sara, megan, and paul at the bucci place. we jammed on the way there, and sara met us there. we sat at the bar, scoping out jake brian, and drinking drinks. bud light, rum and coke, vodka and tonics, cappucinos, and whatever else. evidently you have to drink the cappucinos before they get too cold, other wise they taste like shit. good to know. there was talk (about 4 times) of fake names, anastasia beeverhousen, horhe (sp?), charlene, joanne, etc. but we finally decided on josh, vanessa, kayla, and julianne. it worked. last names were waaaaay too difficult. first names was all we needed. we decided to play the italian bowling game. it was fun. me and mike were kicking some ass...till sara threw three balls in and equaled our score. dammit. megan and paul showed up, bringing laurens cigs and they played some more...with me and michael stopping for a bar break. we took some good pics with the throw away camera...they should be posted within the next few days i think. ask lauren, she has to do it lol. then eventually we parted ways.

the drive home was more jamming to older songs at the top of our lungs...long ass phone calls...and eventually crashing on the couches in the living room. exhausted.

and today, i'm achy, and tired, but no real hangover. good. i always get a hangover. but today is different i suppose...maybe cause there was no jager involved.

today i'm going to scotts cause we're celebrating valentines day today. i have to work tuesday and wednesday.

i'm going to go get in the shower...have a good day everyone. <3

last day off...

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 21:02:40 GMT

and i haven't done shit. i did sit down and read the last 200 pages of 'the notebook'. seriously, the book is almost better then the movie. almost. that's the second book i've read in 2 days. i also read this book called 'the midnight club' by christopher pike. it was good....i was expecting scary and it was just sad. no scary. it was good though. but the notebook, i couldn't put it down. it's easy reading...not lots of action...there's a lot of descriptiveness...but it's still good. it makes you feel like you are there. it made me long for summer. can't wait to get rid of this snow.

i heard 'boulevard of broken dreams' a few minutes ago and it reminded me of fuddy meers. i wish that i could go back to then and do it again. that was by far one of my favorite plays to do. no, not just cause i had the lead, but because it was a great play, had great people, and the directing rocked. no i am not kissing mikes ass, but he really was a great director. it was just a good time all around. 'fuddy meers, and scene'.

i guess there's talk about going out to the emerald this saturday night. we had to cancel the past 2 fucking times, first cause of me, then because of tami...so hopefully the third time it'll work out. third times a charm right? hopefully. it is always a blast going out with them and dancing, drinking, and meeting new people...my fave is when i don't have to pay for my own drinks. boys are a nice money saver. unless your name is scott...lol....maybe i can talk them into stopping at the kit kat club on the way. just go there for a few drinks before. sing some karaoke. maybe fran and ron will stop in then lol. fran is a ham on the stage. give the woman a mic and she's gone. good times..

i spent the past few days just lounging and doing pretty much nothing. if i had the money, i'd have asked mike to pick me up and make a run to starbucks. i miss that already. even though we did it like 3 days ago...maybe longer. idk.

i have to get out of this chair. the bruises on my ass are getting uncomfortable, so i have to go lay down or walk or do something..

so until later....

i believe in fairytales

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 04:30:51 GMT

i've recently become obsessed with 'fireflies' by faith hill. it's like a total 'me' song.

anyways, today was a good day. scott came to pick me up around 1:30 (seeing that mom won't let me drive due to the fainting spell) and he took me out towards his house for dinner a bit later. we went to baja fresh or whatever it's called. it was really good...soooo much better then taco bell. seriously, i almost didnt believe it myself. then we hung out and watched some tv...did the hokey pokey x2...and then watched some of 'the fifth element'.

I <3 milla jovovich. she rocks my world. even with orange (and i mean orange) hair.

"dot" "chicken"

then he drove me home around 6ish. i went upstairs and cleaned my room after talking to pb for a while on the tele. i watched 'bad blood' while cleaning and just laughed my ass off. god i miss old x files eps. i seriously need to save up some money so i can get seasons 1-6. early scully hair is by far the funniest. even early mulder hair...it's all whispy and shit. lol.

i think i'm going to go upstairs now and pop in a movie. possibly FTF cause i'm on such an xfiles kick tonight.

1013 love.

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 23:34:04 GMT

my relaxing day went from ok to shitty. i fainted. like seriously, blacked out and woke up on the ground. it was actually kind of scary. my mom was talking about taking me to EC but i decided that i'd be ok and if it happens again then id go to the doctor. it just scares me cause i don't know what caused it. i got plenty of sleep, i'm not dehydrated, and i ate so i know my bs was ok. i wasn't even dizzy before it happened. i just like went down. who knows.

i'm not allowed to drive (per mom) for the rest of teh night, and possibly not tomorrow if i am still feeling drowsy and shaky. we'll see i guess.

<3 send me love, i need it.

ahhh friday...

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 19:19:54 GMT

so one more week till i get paid thank god. hopefully it comes (my check) on thursday so i can cash it on friday, my day off. i've been workin the shit out of myself lately. i finally have a few days off in a row so i can relax. well not relax, but atleast save some gas money. i worked 45 hours this week, much different from my usual 36. that's 5 hours of time and half, so hopefully i will have like an extra $70 to go and get that tattoo on sunday.

i did get like 13 hours of sleep, much needed sleep may i remind you. i'm kind of glad that they didn't call and say they needed me today at work, cause when i woke up at 9 to answer the phone, i was still exhausted. i didnt get up till like 1. it was nice.

ooo just got a phone call from scott telling me that i have 150 minutes left this month. so don't call my cell during the day. don't call me till after 9 cause i can't afford to go over ok? not to mention thank god my weekends and nights are free cause i used 2200 of those lol. i don't know who the hell i talk to that much...whatever...

i'm going to go and take a shower. call me later kids (after 9)

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 16:54:31 GMT

ok i'm going to see lauren today. actually, i'm about to jump in the shower and call her and tell her i'm on my way. just woke up...dammit.

then i have to leave at 4:30 and head to scotts, which means what? fuck loads of gas money that i don't have. but it's worth it. i get to see my friend and my boyfriend.

i'll update a real one later.

xokissesxo

whew

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 03:32:50 GMT

i'm glad today's over. it was a long day at work today. it didn't drag it actually went fast. even when penny was taking me room to room (there is twenty rooms) cleaning out the closets, filling up my arms so that i couldn't see over the mound of medical shit stuffed in the wrong places, and then telling me to go put the shit away. it was fine, but when i'd finish with one trip, she'd fill my arms again, and then i'd have to go put THAT shit away. shit that i'd honestly never seen before. but now that i am on her good side, i wanna stay there cause it just works better that i get along well with my boss. so whenever she'd call me to her, i'd ask what she wanted me to do, cause she always had something for me to do. i definately deserved a few wow cards...i did a lot of gopher work tonight. not to mention, i had this patient that needed an rn+ and we were lifting (or i was lifting, and debra was pushing the pad under her ass) over and over. sigh, yeah it was just long. and my back hurts.

and i have a lot of shit to do tomorrow. i have a meeting at 12 with christina again, and she's gonna send my comp card to that runway thing and see if i can get in it. cool...i am actually excited for that. mom is totally thrilled...she wants to make a day of it and hang around ann arbor, then come and watch the show if i get in. christina seems to think i'm a 'shoe in'. cool. and before the meeting, i have to go and cash my check. then i have to go after the meeting and get my oil changed FINALLY. then i am supposed to go help mom at work, but be home intime to take sam to her practice for the play she's in. honestly, i just want to skip it all and SLEEP. but, i guess it's cause i've worked 24 hours in two days. just tired.

sorry guys, didn't mean to bitch the whole time. i'm just tired and grouchy. if you wanna attempt to talk to me, then give me a call.

<3

my day today...

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 02:07:13 GMT

it was good actually. i had to work, and the work aspect kinda sucked...i even got kinda yelled at by penny which i hate it when that happens. i was skipping (yes, a bouncy kind of run) down the hallway and i got 'talked to' about it twice. not once, twice. i was reminded how i am supposed to be professional, no matter how cute i am (skipping or not), i am to remain professional and walk at a leisurely pace. sure, fine whatever. (quoted from scully, thank you very much).

but i told penny today about the modeling thing. at first she just sat there, and when i mean 'sat there' i mean, sitting in her swivel chair, with her legs apart wearing a skirt (and i hate that, so manly dammit) with this silly look on her face. i was like 'so yeah, that's my good news'. and she just like all of a sudden freaked on me. she was like 'omg! i can't believe one of MY GIRLS is going to be a model. of all of you, i knew it would be you. i am so proud of you' yada yada yada. it was sweet actually. she was just like, so happy for me. and she even made me hug her lol. for that, she got out of the chair thankfully...i could see hugging her while she sat like taht in a skirt. it's just wierd. she said that she wants to come to my runway show on the eleventh. which is kind of wierd, but hey, it's really cool to have her support. she's been very supportive lately, with my aunt, my mom, this, work, school...etc...i should get her a card or something. i can't afford a card, who am i kidding lol.

my mom and i were talking about it and we both agreed that i would be stupid not to take this chance. i mean, a lot of girls would kill for this, and it just fell in my lap...so here i go i guess...

have a good night you all, and i'll talk to you tomorrow.

<3 much love to you's.

holy fucking shit man!

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 00:45:26 GMT

so the past two days have been...interesting, to say the least. where do i begin? mmmm let's start with sunday night so i can just tell the whole story from beginning to end...

sunday night...i went online to check my myspace and i saw that i had a message from someone named amanda. i thought it was a message from a high school friend, amanda neiman. i opened it and it said along the lines of my name is amanda and i'm from a talent management company, and i like your look so come here at this time and have an interview with my company. so i was like...ehhh, so i called and set up an interview for the next day.

monday evening...i go to the interview. turns out it was an open call, but invitation only. luckily, i had an invitation and an invite number. so i go there, and there is like 35-40 beautiful people all waiting for their turn in a long line, before you even get into the office. it was mostly girls, but a few guys and children were there too. so i get inline, fill out the sheet (name address, etc) and wait for my turn. finally like half an hour later, it's my turn. i go in, and the girl amanda is waiting for me, she's the one that 'scouted' me. and i asked her if her name was amanda droke, and she said yes. well it turns out that she graduated from armada in 1998 and she remembered me then. small world right? so she measures me (it was kind of awkward having a chick putting measuring tape around my boobies, waist, hips etc but oh well) and then sent me into the waiting room. i watched dumb and dumberer for a while and then christina comes in. she's like the 'head hauncho' of the company in detroit branch. she tells us that they're not an agency, but they are the stepping stone to get you into the agency. they help you build your portfolio and get you a comp card and get you paying gigs and some that don't pay, but they are good too cause they get you experience, plus extra pics for your portfolio. cool right? then she went on to say that of all of us, only about 5-7 would be asked for a second interview which would be the next day. she said that if you weren't asked for a second interview then not to be discouraged, cause being asked for a first one was a privelage alone. so then came the interview time. the girl i had was named bridgette and she'd done some local modeling in detroit and a few things in new york, but decided she'd rather help others get there so she works for the company now. when i walked into her office, she commented on how i was nice and tall (she put 5'8 on my sheet haha) and that i had a terrific face. she really liked my bone structure. i almost said 'thanks, i did it myself', but i just said thank you instead. she also commented on my clear skin and asked if i wore foundation, and when i told her no she thought that was the greatest thing in the world. she liked that i had acting experience cause she thinks it means that people who act must be outgoing. cool. i am. i think. in the end, she shook my hand and said 'i look forward to seeing you tomorrow'. score. i was in for the second interview. she gave me my sheet, and off i went. i got into the elevator with like 4 other gorgeous girls and they were all bitching about how they didn't get a second interview. so i just hid my sheet cause i could only imagine them seeing that i, of all the girls in the elevator, got a second interview, and not them. i don't know why they didn't get one, but i did. rock on.

today: today was a bit different. not quite as laid back, as i would have liked honestly. it was cool, don't get me wrong, but i was a nervous wreck. i mean, today either made me or broke me. so i dressed nice in black pants and a cute top i borrowed from jill, and pulled my hair up in a clip. looked cute. i got there, my apt. was at two, and i didn't get seen till 3:30. i waited for soooooo long. but on an upside, i was looking through this book called 'outrageoUS' and i saw a few pics of gillian and david. rock on. i felt like it was good luck.

so then i get called in. christina (the head hancho) was going to be interviewing me. cool. when i walked in her door, the first two things she said were 'hi, patty i'm christina' and then 'woah, you ARE cute'. i laughed and said 'what?' she responded with 'you're very pretty. beautiful'. she was nodding, like she was trying to convince me that i was. i smiled politely and said thank you. she told me to have a seat and then the interview started. she asked me real interview questions as if i were going for a job. interesting. she went on to tell me that if she signed me, that she'd want me for runway and print ads. i said that was fine. she also told me that they offer classes just like john casablancas but i don't have to pay. they're free if i get signed. cool. so we talked some more, and i answered her questions to the best of my ability (I was sooooo nervous, i was definately talking with my hands lol) and she left the room to talk to katie, some chick who also works there, and make her final decision. i tell you, that 7 minutes she was gone was hell. i kept thinking, ok this is good, ok maybe it's not...well it's not bad if i don't get signed...it's not like i planned on this...it came to me, fell in my lap...almost literally...and she walked back in and asked if i was willing to travel. i said yes but to an extent...as long as i had the days off of work already, and if my travel expenses were covered. she put a piece of paper in front of me and said 'good. you're in.' i almost shit myself. she went over the perks of being with them...a much cheaper comp card but amazing quality...i can audition for anything i want on line on their site...i also get a discount card (known to their company as the model card) for certain clothing stores, spas, resteraunts, everything...

when she was going over this with me, she told me that her goal for me was to build my portfolio, get me a comp card, and start trying to sell me to ford models, and elite models. she wants me in new york. i asked what was in it for her and all she said was 'bragging rights. that's all we get. if you make it, we get to say that we discovered you.' i was like, sounds good to me.

so then she stood and held out her hand, and i took it in mine for a good shake, and she said 'welcome to your future patty.' and that's when i almost lost it. i was like, ready to cry. holy fucking shit man.

the end.

also, though, on another note...that kid that i got introuble for sexual harrassment, he might have gotten fired. i surely hope so, cause if he was only suspended, then i'm going to ask tomorrow to get transfered to another floor. i will put up a fight with this. he's a fucking asshole and i refuse to work with him again.

ok, i'm done now. i'm going to eat some chili and start a new book. maybe one that's less then 700 pages this time...

whatever

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 02:39:09 GMT

shit has flown again. i'm so sick of this shit. seriously. some things can't be saved. some can. we'll see how this turns out. cause i'm always the fucking bad guy here. right, big bad me. what the fuck ever.

"what loneliness is more lonely then distrust?"

TS Eliot